


Specific Fixes (and ways to suggest them)

by Developmental_Beta (Emmessann)



Category: Original Work, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Beta-Reading, Developmental Beta-Reading, Developmental Editing, Fixes, Gen, M/M, Meta, Writing, editing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmessann/pseuds/Developmental_Beta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This section describes common issues a beta-reader may run into, and suggests ways that these issues may be fixed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Specific Fixes

When I started to beta in the developmental style, I quickly ran into a difficulty that doesn't usually show up when you beta in the copy-edit/SPAG style. I have seen other betas run into this snag, so I think it's fairly common.

The developmental challenge was this: I could sense that something was going off-track with a story. (At least, in my own opinion.) But it was often incredibly difficult to put that problem into words, and even harder to articulate suggestions.

I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't know how I knew it and I didn't know how to say it! When you're first starting out as a beta, this happens a lot -- probably much more than the moments when you're confident you know exactly what to suggest. This can be a truly anxiety-provoking scenario. If you already struggle with anxiety (and, for example, it petrifies you to imagine hurting someone's feelings) then it can be close to unbearable.

I only have observational evidence, but I'm pretty sure this is one of the major reasons that new betas disappear so often. Actually, I suspect it may be the very biggest reason. Beta reading is a lot like teaching. Everyone assumes they can do it (and indeed, anyone who is willing to put in the time and effort can learn how and improve.) But in fact, it's a lot more complicated than it looks, and you usually only realize that you're in over your head when you’re already underwater. The beta disappears without a word because it’s too overwhelming to stay.

Here's the good news for new betas: if you spot a difficult problem and spend however many hours wrestling with it until you've explained it in the best way you can, you've taken a big step towards conquering it for good. If you continue beta-reading, you are going to see that exact problem again and again. And every time you do, you will identify it more quickly and you'll crank out a more effective explanation/suggestion. You'll evolve your own style for how you explain issues and make them easy for the writer to see and address.

When I started out, the beta work for a Big Bang-sized story took me many days and a whole lot of anxiety. Now, the same work takes a fraction of the time and it’s easy for me to dash off my responses, because they're all things I've said before.

Thus, in this section I plan to single out specific issues that I have observed in stories many times before. I'll go into some detail about how I perceive the problem and how I explain it to myself as a general concept. Other betas may find this section useful as a way to jump-start your own discussion of a problem that you see and what you feel ought to be done.

 

 


	2. Cliches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whether it's a one-liner or a classic scene, cliches can be a fun fix

**Cliches**

In the scheme of things, cliches are a minor issue in most of the stories I beta. I'm starting out with some tips about them because they are both easy to spot, and (usually) easy and fun to fix.

There are three levels of cliche I can identify: the one-liner, the set piece, and the major plot twist. The first two, which I'll discuss in detail here, are quite easy to address as revisions go; the third (to be discussed later) are harder and often best left alone.

**The one-liner:**

_"I just threw up in my mouth a little."_

_"This is the kind of fun that is...not"_

and other clever and expressive phrases that creep into pop culture and take a long, long time to go.

But I try to get them out of the stories that I work on, because I don't think their cleverness and originality transfers over to new stories in another writer's voice. Because they’re lifted from well-known sources, they leave a lingering odor of Whedon or Friends (or wherever the throw-up thing came from.) They take me out of the story because I'm reading Sherlock, but suddenly I'm in Xander-land because that's just how Mycroft rolls.

The way to address this is simple: the beta needs to point out the cliche, and the writer needs to replace the phrase with absolutely anything else. Even a very basic restatement of the meaning of the phrase can be an improvement ( _“This sucks”_ or _“Ew, gross”_ ) because at least it doesn't conjure Phoebe Buffay. Better yet is to come up with some original substitute for the phrase that gets to the same point.

If you’re the writer, you probably won’t top “I just threw up in my mouth a little” for being gross and memorable -- it’s a decade-plus meme for a reason. But it doesn't really matter. Anything you do come up with will fit better in your story, because it’s yours. And when you challenge yourself to revise this specific thing, it's actually pretty common that your own effort will indeed be witty and memorable, and attract compliments of its own.

One exception: If the characters are actually making references, and would plausibly know the source, that’s a different issue which can work in small doses. I expect the cast of Teen Wolf to recognize _“Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen”_ and put their own spins on it. They've all seen Mean Girls. Any two geek characters can probably pull off _“I love you...I know”_ from Star Wars. That one is quite overdone by now, one reason that this type of phrase is still best used sparingly. However, it shows us that the characters are drawing from the world they live in.

In contrast Whedon-speak, especially, tends to get lifted more than it gets directly referenced. Lifting makes it seem as though the story characters happen to be picking up these expressions from the ether, which doesn't help the story.

I don’t mean to shame anyone who has brought pop-culture expressions into their own story. This practice helps you get the job done in the short term. Quoting is part of writing, especially as writers are working their way towards developing their own voices. However, I do encourage people to take a look at their cliches once they show up in the first draft, and really give some thought about how they could be changed. It’s a good writing exercise, and it tends to inspire some fantastic original work.

***

The next type of cliche, which is even more fun to get rid of, is the set piece. By “set piece” I mean a scene in the story that is supposed to illustrate a particular point. However, the scene the author uses isn’t original. It’s the exact same scene that’s been used as the shorthand to make this particular point for ages.

Example:

 **The point:** _“There is a big class or status difference between our lovers, and the lower-class one is feeling out of place."_

**The classic set piece:**

> Tony Stark takes Steve Rogers to a very fancy French restaurant in LA. Tony thinks it’s a treat. Steve is much too polite and anxious to tell Tony that he feels hopelessly out of his depth.
> 
> The whole meal is a nightmare for Steve, while Tony stays oblivious to his misery. The menu is in French! Only French! There are thirty pieces of mysterious silverware -- which one to choose?
> 
> Tony orders for Steve, without any reference to what Steve might want. Instead, Tony orders him snails, giant fatty goose liver spread, frog’s legs, cow pancreas, and other unsettling delicacies. Each item scares and disgusts Steve, who feels ashamed for being so provincial but desperately longs for an all-American encased cow detritus sausage in a bun with mustard.
> 
> The sommelier comes over and urgently needs information about the wine list -- information which, for some reason, can only come from Steve, and must be conveyed in French. Steve stammers out his best guess, which goes horribly wrong. (Sommelier: _“Very good, sir, I’ll fetch the box.”_ )
> 
> Throughout the meal the other guests in the restaurant, which is full of ladies clutching pearls and gentlemen dropping monocles, make it excruciatingly clear they are disgusted by Captain America’s uncouth bumpkin ways. Likewise the staff have never seen a person so far out of their depth in the history of their establishment, and they are appalled and cruel.
> 
> At the last possible moment, when Steve is about to die from humiliation, Tony suddenly realizes that Steve is in agony. Tony punishes the snooty staff and guests in some satisfying way (though still oblivious to his own hand in Steve's misery.) They leave their fancy food behind and Tony flies Steve cross-country to Katz’s for hot dogs.

***

Oh god, this scene. I've personally beta-read variations on this scene five or six times, and it really just needs to go.

To get rid of a scene that you have seen in dozens of movies, ask the writer: What job did you want this scene to do in the story?

_“I wanted to humiliate Steve in front of Tony, to remind readers how lost Steve feels after being on ice for seventy years, and then show how Tony rescues him."_

Great! Humiliate away. But do it in a believable, appropriate setting instead of using the stereotype. Just replace the French restaurant with something original, and you’ll do better than the above. In fact, there’s a good chance your new twist will become the standout scene of the story.

Imagine writing a scene that did this same job of humiliating the fish-out-of-water character, but was set at a NASCAR rally. That could be a great twist.

Or do what Pretty Woman did -- move the venue from _haute cuisine_ to _haute couture._ Julia Roberts, in her hooker wear, goes into a snooty Beverly Hills boutique that refuses to serve her. Then Richard Gere makes another shop be nice to her and dress her like Audrey Hepburn. That small change made the scene so memorable that watching it is one of the best parts of another movie, when Romy and Michele cry over it.   _("I just get really happy when they let her shop.")_

Organic chemistry class. Hot Yoga.  A seven-year-old's birthday party. Seriously, you can humiliate characters anywhere.

The thing is, that French restaurant scene isn't just dated now, it was already dated seventy-five years ago, which is when it became ubiquitous in Hollywood. (Admittedly, I am making this up, but I’m pretty sure most of it is true.) Your grandmother probably wasn't born when the real fashion for this very fussy and obnoxious take on fine dining had died out. It’s true that snobby restaurants that are rude to guests exist in any era but they usually don’t last for long, and it doesn't explain why unpretentious, worldly Tony thought this one was a good idea.  

This particular scene in the French restaurant is a leftover from the Depression, used in a thousand movies. It’s about the plucky lower-class All-American guy (e.g. Clark Gable) who struggles in front of his blue-blooded heiress girlfriend (e.g. Katharine Hepburn) and her horribly snobbish class-conscious family who despise him. Being intimidated at a French restaurant was a somewhat realistic expression of class differences for that era. There are other ways to express class differences now that are a much more plausible fit for today.

In fact, that’s the other thing I notice when I get this scene. Since the writer is drawing on a cliche, they usually don’t draw on personal experience or character logic to really make the whole thing work. It pretty much just splats down as I've described, illogic and all. For one thing, the scene only works if Tony Stark, hero and love interest, is almost cruelly oblivious to Steve’s feelings until the last possible moment. I don’t know where the other diners found pearls and monocles, but they’re still probably more likely to fawn over Captain America than to shun him. Likewise, even in the snootiest restaurant imaginable, the staff are going to support Steve and shower him with kindness, because they're human and Steve is likable. Also, because deliberately humiliating Iron Man's date is the very portrait of “No job security.”

So, those are two types of cliches that can show up in any story. As I said, they don’t actually show up all that often, but they’re very easy to spot and address when they do. They could be a good way to get your feet wet as a beta.

 

 


End file.
